The Miracle Hidden Underneath Disappointment

The book of Mark has become one of my favorite books of the Bible. Probably for more personal reasons. It was the first Bible study I gave my all to after losing Ellie. Every single day, I’d sit up in my office pouring every ounce of anything I had left into the teachings from Lisa Harper in her bible study, The Gospel of Mark, The Jesus We’re Aching For. I had never studied this book on my own before, or even read it entirely through. I’m not one of those talented people who can read the Bible and actually understand what it’s saying.

But there is one verse in particular that brings tears to my eyes every time I read it.

In Mark chapter 6, Jesus and his disciples came into Nazareth and began teaching to the people of his hometown. His own family and friends questioned him, questioned his wisdom, and questioned the miracles he had performed with his own two hands. Verse 3 says, “they were offended by him.” His own family, offended by the savior of our world. “Jesus said to them, “A prophet is not without honor except in his hometown, among his relatives, and in his household. He was not able to do a miracle there, except that he laid his hands on a few sick people and healed them” (Mark 6:4-5).

Mark 6:6 says, “And he was amazed at their unbelief.” This is one of two times scripture tells us Jesus was amazed. (The other time is in Luke 7:9).

Lisa Harper explains this in a way that made me look at this passage differently. She said, “note the context of Jesus’ low miracle count in His own hometown. The seeming failure wasn’t His inability but His integrity; He refused to preform healings like magic tricks to convince a familiar, but hard-hearted audience. It wasn’t that he “could not,” but that He “would not.”

When I read this chapter of Mark, it brings me back to that day Eleanor went to be with Jesus. The three hours that passed between the time of her accident and the time she had entered heaven felt like seconds. I was filled with a tremendous amount of unbelief. Unbelief at what had even happened, of course. But unbelief that she would be okay. I don’t think I really believed that she could be healed. When I think back on that day, there are times where I wonder if my belief had been bigger would the outcome have been different? If I had believed then, what I believe now, would I have seen a real-life miracle? I wanted God to show up so that I had proof of his existence.

Was God so amazed at my own unbelief that this was the only way he could bring me to my knees? Was this the only way to make sure I had eternal life with her, not just this earthly life? I can’t think of anything else that could have happened in my life that would have caused me to finally let go of anything this world has to offer and actually look up to the One who has everything to give. Nothing else would have given me the deep desire to understand it all. Even if she had been healed, we would have gone back to life as normal, living half in and half out.

Sometimes the miracle doesn’t look the way we thought it should look. Sometimes the miracle is hidden in what happens in the middle.

The journey He guides you on. Opening up your eyes to see things in a way you’ve never seen them before. To finally understand things that have never made sense. To finally understand what’s really inside the Bible and have a first-hand account to go on sharing that with the world.

Sometimes the miracle is hidden beneath your disappointment in God not showing up how you thought He should.

God not showing up to preform the miracle I wanted on my own timeline led me to a lot of disappointment. It left me with nothing but questions. Many of those questions I won’t have the answer to during my life on this side of heaven.

No matter what you believe, there will be a time where you are no longer on this earth. And when you are gone, your life will feel like it was only seconds long. If God had saved Ellie, and given me our time here on earth together, what would that have meant for eternity? Would that have secured my soul to have eternal life with her in heaven? Or was this the only way?

In Mark 10:17, Jesus was getting ready to head out on another journey and a man runs up to him and asks him “Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” Jesus responds in verse 19-22 “You know the commandments: Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not bear false witness do not defraud, honor your father and mother.” He said to him, “Teacher, I have kept all these from my youth.” Looking at him, Jesus loved him and said to him, “You lack one thing: Go, sell all you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me. But he was dismayed by this demand, and he went away grieving because he had many possessions.”

Right here, Jesus tells us how we can ensure we have eternal life. By letting go of the things of this world. It’s not enough to just be a good person, to not kill anyone, to not cheat on your spouse. It is by submitting all control, realizing you don’t have any to begin with.

What you hold onto the most is often times where you trust God the least.

For me, that was control. I had an idea of what I thought my life was supposed to look like. I had the plan, I just needed God to work things out for the way I wanted.

This was not what I wanted. This definitely was not in my plan.

We were never in control. He reminds us that our possessions on this earth aren’t even ours to begin with. We are to trust that when we are left with nothing, he will provide everything. He tells us to come to him, and to follow him. This man instead ran away grieving his possessions because he didn’t want to let them go.

I don’t know why it took losing Ellie for me to finally give up control. I wish there had been another way. But for reasons I hope to find out one day, God is using this to work out for the plan He has for my life. He is using this to fix my unbelief. He is using this so that I can go and follow him.

God didn’t show up in the way that I wanted, He showed up in the way that I needed.

Maybe that’s the miracle.

“Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them,” 1 Corinthians 7:17